July 30, 2020 – Week 9, Day 2

5 Minute Walk (.25 miles)

Mobility Prep

Dumbbell Front Squats to Box (15”)
bwx25
kettlebells
15’sx20
dumbbells
40’sx12
40’sx12
40’sx12

16” Rack Pulls
45x10
135x5
185x3
225x2
275x1
315x1
365x1
405x1
455x1
Added Straps
495x1
545x1
595x1
650x0

Ab Roller
bwx12
bwx12

Side Plank Raises
bwx15/15

Stretching

Comments: This month has been garbage. I’m still depressed and just want to sleep the rest of the year away at this point. I tried doing Epsom salt bath but I don’t know if it does anything other than make me feel sleepy in the tub. This was more to get the soreness out of my body as my muscles feel heavy and sore. Mind feels like it is in a fog and the days just bleed together. I felt I had some motivation back but it is slipping again as it is hard to force myself to do basic things. I’m trying to fight it. I tried yogurt again to see if I could tolerate it. I had been having issues with ramen so I thought maybe that had been the problem. Nope, yogurt was also a problem as I got indigestion almost immediately. Set up for today wasn’t going to take long as I already got things ready the day before. It had been a later day for the first workout this week so I had left stuff out. Knees were achy but felt okay after I did stuff. First exercise was squatting to a box with the dumbbells. Front squat style this time. Not much to say here other than leg soreness wasn’t as much as last week. Just moving stuff and getting things ready for the next thing. That being rack pulls. So after the crap day about a month ago, it was here again. Initially before this month happened, it was to be 17” pull up to just 495lbs to try and get lower effort and ramp back up. That didn’t happen. So the plan here was work up to what I felt comfortable hitting but really focusing on vertical shins. I felt like I was doing that. Maybe not? I’m still a work in progress. I still got shit I’ve not taken the time to deal with properly outside of training. Some of that is me self-sabotaging things. Some of it started I think after Nats 2017 and early 2018 but was really apparent after I qualified for the Arnold. Pushing hard and getting frustrated with my results and then getting injured from constantly pushing. Or just wanting to give up. Not having fun. So part of that was why I didn’t go with a 17” pull. After last session of rack pulls, I had dropped heavy weights and busted up the one saw horse so I had to reinforce it. Doing this made the pull height now 18” while standing on the block. So I stood on a wooden platform to get it back to 16”. My worries were that I was admitting defeat increasing the pull height and that if I missed here at 18” or 17”, I’d feel even worse if I missed it at this height. I’m a piece of work. Anyways, the expectations were lighter here as plan was what I felt comfortable with and keeping vertical shins. Suggestion was up to 495lbs. I didn’t start out feeling great. Lower back felt stiff. But I was feeling good as I went up in weight. As I got up in weight, I of course started to plan things based off how I felt. The sensible thing probably would’ve been to not mess with the jumps and do 585lbs and then 635lbs. But I didn’t. Made it 50lbs jumps from 495lbs on as I was thinking I could do more than 635lbs. Even though I had reflected on the previous session and said that 640lbs (when I missed 660lbs and 650lbs) would’ve been the smarter move if I tried heavier. I didn’t listen today as I really thought I had 650lbs in me today with how that last pull felt. It didn’t come crashing down but I couldn’t get it over my knee caps. I did compare to last time and it was maybe a little higher than I got 660lbs. It was definitely better than what my 2nd attempt of 650lbs that time was. Nothing was injured other than my ego. But I’ve probably screwed stuff up again going heavy and missing. It took a lot for me to not pack up the day right then and there. But I knew that was childish and last time I did that. Have to do it. Have to do something. I’m abandoning things to self-isolate to feel safe but I can’t keep doing that forever. Training is feeling pointless. Lot of things are. The last of the session was abdominal work. First being two sets of ab roller. Took time putting stuff away to get my head right again. Plan here was two moderate rep sets leaving 3-5 reps in the tank. I figured that since I haven’t done these in like a month and that these really make my lower abdominals sore that 12 reps was good, even if that maybe left some extra reps on top of 5 there maybe. I can’t go fast on these since my setup is a 135lbs barbell and plates for the rolling back in. Could feel my hamstrings and hips being tight and my abdominals cramping. Then side plank raises. Just a set each side. Good to have some stability with mobility for the abdominals for bracing. These were pretty easy. I had a roast cooking so that was my workout timer. So had dinner and then after like 2 hours and after cleaning up I made myself stretch. I hope I have the energy to face the day tomorrow as this low energy depressed feelings suck.