August 13, 2020 – Week 2, Day 2

Super unmotivated. I still want to train and eat and do things I enjoy but outside of that, no thank you. I just feel frustrated with myself, my feelings and just seeing the world and country continue to go to shit. I feel numb to it all. Tired of it and when I feel something, usually it is anger. I got to focus on the good. I’m still not through this and it may take months for me to feel better.
5 Minute Walk (.25 miles)

Mobility Prep

Goblet Squats to Box (15”)
40x12
40x12
40x12

Deadlifts
135x5
225x3
315x1
385x1
Added Straps
455x5
400x5
400x5

14” Rack Pulls
135x1
225x1
315x1
405x1
Added Straps
467x4
467x4
467x4

Ab Wheel
bwx8
bwx8
bwx8

Kneeling Pulldown Abs
75x30

Side Plank Raises
bw+10x15/15

Stretching

Comments: Return of this workout. Dreading it a little. It wasn’t easy last time and this time was more weight. My hope was that I’d adapt to it and this would feel better. Hope is not a strategy, it’s an opiate. I felt pretty good start of warm-ups but then knees started aching like I expected them to but then that went away. The light goblet squats are like an afterthought. I think the moved even easier this time. Made myself take some rest between the sets but not much. The main thing was the deadlifting. The nemesis. Like more so than log press, this is an exercise I’ve grown to loathe. Everything else has seemed to improve. Even if it took like 2yrs to add 9lbs to my log press. Deadlift seems to only go up now if I have a suit on and those aren’t really allowed in what I can compete in to get to other stuff. Damn deadlift. I hate it now. Been almost a decade since I hit a raw single PR. Every time I feel like I’m kidding myself and I’m worthless. I especially hate doing them at my house on this bar and with these plates. Just feels so heavy and dead and the weights move so slow. So the plan here for today was work up to set weight for a set of 5 and then drop 10% off and do two more sets of 5 reps. I wore a calf sleeve on my right leg for extra protection as that tends to be the side I nick when deadlifting. Seemed to feel somewhat ok with how things were going and maybe it won’t feel so damn hard. I decided to do my last warm-up with 385lbs instead of 405lbs. 385lbs felt slow and heavy. Not happy about that. Now not supposed to be getting agitated for these workouts. Supposed to save it for next week. I got set for 455lbs. It felt damn heavy. Like, max effort on that first rep heavy. I wanted to cry. I wanted to just stop the workout but I kept going and got the reps. I was in shock I got anything over 1 rep with how hard and heavy it felt. Video says it was only a little slow. I felt so darn slow and my hamstrings were sore. I was really thinking of just shutting things down, taking a week off and then trying to figure out my life. Quit this sport I do because it doesn’t matter and I hate deadlifts. I was doing 60lbs more on this before quarantine! I told myself the other sets were lighter and kept going. Those sets at least felt not like death. Like I could do ten reps with them. Maybe I’m just blind to how bad my deadlift has gotten and need to treat the lifts at home separate from the gym. But I feel like that is just making excuses and moving the goal posts closer to say I’ve accomplished something. Rack pulls after that. 3x4 this time with a bit more weight. I figured that unless my lower back was too fatigued, these wouldn’t be terrible. They weren’t terrible last week. My top range doesn’t seem to be the issue on pulls right now, it’s that very bottom of the lift and then below the knee. So sticking point of the floor is the worst. But I got like a half dozen different ones from floor to knee. I’m desperate for the deadlift stuff to work. So the rest of the workout was abdominal stuff. I had bought some new things for the home gym setup. I was going to do just ab wheel (got a handle instead of using the unwieldy barbell) and then side plank raises. But I wanted to test out the pulley system I bought too. Ab wheel was rough that first set. My lower abs had been hurting after that last time I did these. So the first set felt terrible. The following sets felt a lot easier. Second being the easiest. Rather than just do a set of the side planks, I tried to do pulldown abs with the pulley. Realized I had to weigh down the rack setup too. I’m way too tall to do standing abs unfortunately so I had to do the set kneeling. Still good. Some traction to the back pulling up. Added light dumbbell to the side plank raises because it was easy movement. I may just stick to this stuff for next time. Alternate between what I do each workout for the abdominal stuff. Had to cool off and then had tacos for dinner and stretched and iced my knees. I just hope that I can keep it together. I’m desperate.